For the sake of our friends from overseas, a quick prelude to lend context to this entry.

This is what typically happens in many of today’s Chinese wedding in Singapore:

The bride wakes up rather early in the morning (usually before 7) and the makeup artist arrives shortly after for the makeup.

The groom will arrive with a group of friends (the groomsmen party) to pick the bride.

Before the groom could enter the house, the bride’s friends (the bridesmaids party) would refuse the entry until they willingly perform certain tasks and end with giving them an ang pao (red packet with money, customarily a gift). This process is now popularly known (here in Singapore) as ‘gate-crashing’.

It goes on, but I’ll stop at ‘gate-crashing’. So this process of the groomsmen (and the groom) being locked out of the bride’s house is what I’ll be talking about today.

Earlier on, I was talking about how the groomsmen party are required by the ladies to do some ‘stuff’ before they’re let in. Some of the more popular ‘stuff’ includes:

1) Eating strange concoctions (wasabe being a popular ingredient) with strangest ingredients and mixed.

2) Singing

3) Dancing

4) Wearing female panties (or at least try)

5) Singing and dancing in panties

6) Do the limbo rock

Amongst others. Some of the concoction can be quite harsh, and many had reported diarrhea straight an hour into digesting those things. And some of the tasks and games can be pretty humiliating and best left unmentioned.

Now traditionally, if we were to try to trace this process back to the Chinese cultural roots, we probably couldn’t. In the past (I mean those pre-war times), the groom was to actually wait at his house while a sedan (google if you’re not sure what it means) will fetch the bride. The groom will actually pick the bride from the sedan when she arrives. So there’s really not much of a gate-crash. So how did this process come into place and has become so popularly adopted that it’s even referred to being ‘customary’ then?

The best theory offered so far by one of the old-timer wedding photographer is this. Back in the 80s, many of the Hong Kong drama serials began including scenes of these gate-crashes in their weddings. Then there was this slew of Taiwanese variety shows where there were ingenious ideas for games to torture the contestants. It must have looked like fun, because some random guy decided to use it for his wedding. Or maybe it’s more logical to assume that a woman wanted it (since it doesn’t seem right that any guy would want himself to be subjected to the object of these ‘games’).

Here are some of the stuff said by people around me and some of what I read on forums about this issue:

“It’s all part of the fun to make the memorable day for the bride and groom”

“Grooms who feel humiliated should know what they signed up for when they proposed”

“The groom has to prove his love for the bride (going through the torturous process).

The flip side says:

“The ladies who claim it to be just harmless fun couldn’t reciprocate the joke when they were locked out of the groom’s house. They can really take it quite badly”

“Many of the bridesmaids don’t know where to stop. Some of the humiliation can sometimes escalate to fights and quarrels (note: I’ve seen faces sour, but have not actually seen fights break out. Yet).

Now back to my perspective. I think spicing up the wedding day is good. Fun is good. If done tastefully and doesn’t go overboard, it does add to the memories somewhat. At the same time, I have to say I sometimes crinch at some of these tasks/games and quietly Liz that I never had to go through all that. After all, it’s a day for the bride and groom. There should be some of dignity reserved for them.

But by what standards am I exactly judging whether any of this task is undignified or humiliating? Wearing panties and dancing? Sure seems that way to me. I would definitely feel inadequate, but hey, that’s me. In fact, I have seen that being executed in such a suave manner that it really did look like fun. Heck, Alan looked COOL when he was dancing in those undies. Sure, people were laughing. But their eyes were all shining with admiration at his confidence and charm.

Well, like many would so – like it or not, it’s our ‘custom’ now, whether or not it used to be. The weddings I’m shooting these days seem to have mellowed down in terms of the gate-crashing games. Bridesmaids I’ve met are usually very considerate about taking care not to go overboard.

Still, I’m still glad I will never be in those shoes. :Þ